Insights and Inspiration

Welcome to the Julie Sitomer's (licensed therapist) blog, your source for expert insights and inspiring stories on women's mental health. Explore articles on postpartum, pregnancy, anxiety, depression, and menopause. We're here to support you on your journey to well-being. Discover helpful tips and relatable experiences that empower you to take charge of your mental health. We hope you'll find value in our content and reach out to schedule an appointment if you're feeling similarly.

The Mental Load of Motherhood 

What Is the Mental Load?

The mental load is the invisible, ongoing work of managing your home, relationships, and family needs - the thinking, planning, anticipating, and remembering that happens even when you're resting. It can make you feel constantly 'on' or unable to relax.

Common Signs You’re Carrying Too Much:

• Feeling constantly tense or alert
• Irritability or resentment toward loved ones
• Difficulty concentrating or relaxing
• Fatigue and sleep problems
• Guilt for not 'doing enough'

Reflection: What Feels Heavy?

Take a few moments to reflect on what’s weighing most heavily on your mind. Write freely no need to censor or organize your thoughts.
■ What thoughts or tasks are taking up space in your mind right now?
■ Which of these truly need your attention today - and which could wait or be shared?

Lightning the Load

• Use shared calendars or to-do lists to get tasks out of your head.
• Ask for help - and let others take full ownership of tasks.
• Aim for 'good enough' parenting, not perfection.
• Take 10-minute rest breaks or breathwork pauses.
• Use gentle self-talk: 'I’m doing my best. My needs matter too.'

Exercise: What Can I Let Go Of?

Circle or write down 2–3 things you can release this week. These could be unrealistic expectations, small tasks, or emotional burdens.

Affirmations to Remember

• I am doing my best, and that is enough.
• I don’t need to earn rest.
• My needs matter too.
• It’s okay to ask for help.
• I am not alone in this journey.

Resources for Support

• Postpartum Support International
• Book: 'Fair Play' by Eve Rodsky
• Comic: 'The Mental Load' by Emma
• Local or online new mom support groups

 

 Be gentle with yourself. You are enough, exactly as you are.

Beyond Self-Care: The 7 Types of Rest for Every Stage of Womanhood

Physical Rest

For the postpartum mom, this is about healing. For the perimenopausal woman, it’s about managing joint aches and fluctuating energy.

  • The Idea: Practice "Active Rest." Instead of just crashing on the couch, try 10 minutes of restorative yoga or using a foam roller to release tension.
  • Small Win: If you’re postpartum, try a "horizontal reset"—lying flat on your back with your legs up the wall for five minutes to improve circulation.

 

Mental Rest

Do you have twenty browser tabs open in your brain? Brain fog is a hallmark of both low estrogen and sleep deprivation.

  • The Idea: The "Brain Dump." Keep a notepad by your bed. Before you try to sleep, write down every single to-do, worry, or grocery item swirling in your head.
  • Small Win: Schedule "tech-free" windows. Turn off all notifications for two hours a day to stop the constant cognitive switching.

 

Sensory Rest

 

Between crying babies, loud toys, or the sudden irritability (and hot flashes) of perimenopause, our senses are often in overdrive.

  • The Idea: Lower the input. When the house gets too loud, use noise-dampening earplugs (like Loops) that allow you to hear your kids but take the "edge" off the volume.
  • Small Win: Dim the lights in your house an hour before bed and put your phone away to give your eyes a break from blue light.

 

Emotional Rest

This is the freedom to stop performing. It’s the ability to say, "I’m actually struggling today," without apologizing for it.

  • The Idea: Find your "Safe Space" person. This is someone you don’t have to "tidy up" for—emotionally or physically.
  • Small Win: Practice saying "No" to a social commitment without giving a long-winded excuse. "I don’t have the capacity for this right now" is a full sentence.

Social Rest

We often spend our energy on people who drain us. Social rest is about seeking out those who actually fill our tank.

  • The Idea: Evaluate your circle. If "Mommy and Me" groups or certain social circles feel like a performance, take a hiatus.
  • Small Win: Spend time with the friend who lets you sit in silence or the one who brings dinner and doesn't expect you to entertain them.

Creative Rest

When you are in "survival mode," your appreciation for beauty is often the first thing to go. Creative rest reawakens your sense of wonder.

  • The Idea: Change your scenery. You don't need to paint a masterpiece; you just need to look at something beautiful.
  • Small Win: Take a slow walk outside without a podcast or music. Simply notice the colors of the trees or the sky.

Spiritual Rest

This is the need to feel connected to something larger than your daily routine of diapers or doctor’s appointments.

  • The Idea: Engage in a "Grounding" practice. Whether it’s prayer, meditation, or community service, find a way to remember that you are more than your current "to-do" list.
  • Small Win: Spend one minute in the morning practicing deep belly breathing, focusing on the phrase: "I am more than what I accomplish today."